Back to School Tips – Satire

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Madison Rojas

Digitally drawn graphic of a Mayfield student ready to return back to school!

Madison Rojas, Entertainment & Diversity Editor

PASADENA, California — As April rolled around this year, Mayfield students traded their daily uniform of sweatpants and a t-shirt for a familiar red plaid skirt and a Mayfield polo shirt. Backpacks were packed for the first time in more than a year as students prepared to head off to their first day of in person school. If I’m being honest, I never thought we would make it to this point. Not to be pessimistic but I thought that students would have too much fun partying on the weekend and doing school in bed during the weekdays to ever want to return to campus. While students were busy posting the pictures on Instagram, I was busy at home, liking those photos on Instagram. So you can imagine my surprise and joy when Mayfield announced that we would be returning back to in-person school for two days a week. Two days?! I thought to myself, that’s even better than I expected! I was just happy for the measly crumbs of a school year that COVID-19 kindly gave us. 

Although I could not wait to get back on campus, I was up all night before my first day back. My stomach was performing an Olympic level gymnastics routine and I felt nauseous with nerves. Would school be back to normal? Do I remember how to talk to people in person? Will I even recognize my classmates after being apart for so long? If you’re like me and always worry about the worst case scenario, then the idea of going back to school could be  fun but also very stressful. Well have no fear, I have compiled a list of back-to-school tips and tricks that will help you get through the day. 

  1. You can’t turn your camera off in real life! 

School is a place of learning, growth, and socratic seminars but, it’s also a place of laughter and uncomfortable silence. While at home, you may have gotten comfortable with laughing a little too much at a joke your classmate made or turning your camera off in a breakout when no one is answering your questions about the assignment. In order to remember that everyone else can see you when you laugh, I suggest writing on your hand, “Stop laughing you fool! The joke is not that funny, don’t embarrass yourself in front of your teacher like this!” 

  1. Wait, how do I have a conversation? 

After a year of awkward online small talk in breakout rooms, your conversation skills may be a little rusty, I know mine are. While we can fill long unbearable silence with remarks such as “Gee, it sure is cold” or “I’m so tired” try something new, something that will spark a lively conversation. Turn to your friend before class starts and ask “What is your least favorite freshwater parasite and why?” or say something like “Golly, I sure am scared of the Easter Bunny, aren’t you?”. These questions may seem out of the blue but they will definitely get a conversation going, even if your classmate starts to think you’re going insane. 

  1. Time is up for TikTok 

For the past year, many of us have been spending our days going from our beds to our desks and then back to bed. In between classes, I would lie on my bed and scroll through TikTok mindlessly liking random videos that pop up but, in-person classes deny the opportunity to waste away on the social media app. If you are desperately missing the dancing videos and unfunny jokes that TikTok brings, the best way to solve this critical issue is to learn all the TikTok dances yourself and perform them for your friends at lunch! Your friends definitely will not be annoyed by your constant dancing and they definitely won’t throw food at you in order to stop you from trying to break dance. Trust me.

  1. Goodnight Sleep Tight 

Many of us appreciated the late start of online classes that allowed us precious extra sleep minutes. But, in-person classes mean we have to wake up earlier than before, leaving us more tired during the day. If you are in need of a quick siesta or afternoon nap, here are some easy DIYs to help you rest during the day. Attention! Do not sleep during classes! These tips should only be used during free periods (wink wink). First, you can glue a small pillow to your notebook, binder, or laptop so that you can rest your head in between taking notes. Also, invest in some fake glasses that have pictures of your eyes glued to the lenses, this way you can take a quick power nap without anyone realizing your eyes are actually closed! Pure genius if you ask me. Finally, bring a sleeping bag to school. If you find yourself getting super tired during your free block, snuggle up and take a nap! No one will give you weird looks as you snore up a storm while everyone else tries to study. 

 

Going back to school is always a stressful experience but hopefully some of these helpful tips and tricks will combat your back to school jitters.