Pandemic Parties: Everyone is Invited, EXCEPT COVID

Madison Rojas, Editor-in-Chief

Since March of last year, the COVID-19 pandemic has halted everything from in person school, to live music, to grabbing lunch from the nearest hot dog stand. But one thing the virus won’t take away from us is parties. Leaning on COVID as an excuse, families all across America have used politics as a distraction to keep them from eating together and create more Facebook feuds over whether or not the election was stolen (hot take: it wasn’t!) Despite the division, one thing united millions of people this year and that thing was New Year’s Eve celebrations. Now reader, you may be thinking, what are people doing partying in the midst of a pandemic? Well have no fear because according to all partygoers, COVID-19 was not on the guestlist. 

Earlier this month, an anonymous influencer whose name begins with a K and ends with “ardashian” tweeted, “Although my sisters and I have been seen partying with no masks and inviting half of Los Angeles county, don’t worry because we have blacklisted Coronavirus from attending any of these small get-togethers! That’s right, if Coronavirus shows up to any parties, it will be kicked out by the bouncer.” Thanks to Miss Kardashian’s valiant efforts to ban Coronavirus and bring back parties, Angelenos could party in peace once more. 

But COVID-19 had something to say about their recent blacklisting. Taking their rage to Twitter, the virus posted “You partiers may think you’re safe from me but I will not be deterred! Just you wait… look out for the after-holiday spikes!” Unfortunately, partygoers were too busy sharing drinks to notice the virus particles in attendance. 

The twitter threat gained traction days after New Year’s Eve as many Los Angeles natives began to fear they could have contracted the virus after seeing over 100 different people. But influencers famous on the popular social media app, TikTok, have stood behind Miss Kardashian in cancelling COVID-19  after trending “#coronavirusisoverparty” on Twitter. Who needs masks when we can retweet coronavirus memes and post pictures of our parties on Instagram with the caption “don’t worry, we got tested *wink emoji*”? So just ignore those news networks trying to tell you that Los Angeles has the highest case numbers in the country because guess what we also have, the most social media influencers who absolutely care about the community! After rewarding the entire Kardashian family with keys to the city, Mayor Eric Garcetti announced, “COVID-19 is no longer invited to our festivities. Party on Los Angeles, party hard, and party without fear!” With the pandemic as the last of their worries, partygoers didn’t let the current state of this country hinder them from dancing the night away at a stranger’s house. COVID-19 is officially blacklisted from any shindig so let’s get this party started.