I constantly lived in the mindset that I needed to control everything around me. Other people’s actions, their emotions, experiences from the past that I can’t undo, the way people treat and talk to me, and especially what people thought about me. I truly believed that I COULD control the factors I just listed in some world, but in retrospect, it’s not possible. Other people will think what they want to think, act how they want to act, and change if THEY want to change. Plus, bad experiences are in the past. There is absolutely nothing I can do now to change the outcome; all I can do now is learn from what happened, grow, and move on.

It took going through difficult moments in friendships and relationships for me to realize the only thing I can control is myself. I was in a relationship with someone who did not treat me the best. Small things and big things constantly leave me hurt and confused. I’d communicate to them my feelings by stating how their words and actions impacted me, believing doing so would make them change. Yet, they didn’t. The same issues would happen over and over again. I constantly confronted them for months and was always stressing about it. No matter what I did or said, even if I saw a slight development in this person, they’d do something again. Finally, I realized they weren’t changing how they treated me because they didn’t want to and were the only person who could control their actions. I can’t do that for them. I can’t force them, let alone anyone, to change for me.

All I could control with this particular experience was how I spoke, my boundaries, how I communicated with them, my actions, and how I treated them. They didn’t want to change, but I didn’t want to realize that because I only wanted them to change. Looking back on it now, I know (and I’ve known) that I did all I could. I communicated how I felt, and they made no effort to fix the issue, so why do I want to be with somebody who doesn’t care enough about my feelings to work on their own actions?

It is important to differentiate what you can control and what you cannot. Knowing the difference takes a load of stress weighing on you. When you worry about factors you cannot change or fix, it gives you unnecessary suffering. Remember, you are the only thing you can control. No one else. You can control how you communicate, your thoughts, your actions, how you treat and speak to others, your mood, your mindset, and the people you spend time with. I could control if I wanted to stay in that relationship, so I stood my ground and walked away because those are not the people who deserve a place in my life (or yours).