Inspiration: Ideally, a friendship you have should have qualities you wish you could have so that these traits can rub off onto you and help you evolve and become a more well-rounded person. Healthy friendships are so meaningful when they can inspire you, making you become a better human. You both can pick up on each other’s good habits. Some friendships will have that inspiring quality for a lifetime, while others might have that quality for a bit, but maybe it’ll fade. I’ve been in friendships that have negatively and positively influenced me throughout my life. Years ago, I chose the wrong crowd of friends who did not align with my morals or views. Being around them so much had a terrible influence on me because I rubbed off on their bad behavior. Maturely, I saw this change in myself and realized these were not healthy friendships I needed to keep in my life. I then surrounded myself with people who viewed the world in the same light as me, thought similarly to me, and had such good habits that were so healthy for me to be around. I am still constantly inspired by the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with. No Competition: The underlying sense of competition and ego is so normal and so hard to avoid sometimes within friendships. If there is ego and competition within a friendship, it just means those two people aren’t meant to be friends. It is an unpleasant feeling like you are always in a competition. I’ve had friendships with absolutely no competition but others that did… I could get along with a person so well, laugh so hard, and love them so much, but there was always a competition, and I felt like she never applauded me for my achievements. And due to her not being happy with my achievements, it made me not want to uplift her for hers. I don’t want to be a person who has to fake being happy for my friend’s success. Being friends with someone competitive is hard for me mainly because it is entirely out of my nature, yet when someone tries to be that way with me, it makes me want to be the same way back. It’s one of the standards I’ve realized when having friendships because I don’t particularly appreciate how competitiveness brings out a side of me that does not align with my values. I am only a competitive person if someone is competitive with me. Honestly, competition is unintentional, and it’s neither party’s fault. Still, that means those two people can’t maintain a healthy friendship. Ideally, when you have a friendship, they should be so important to you that you don’t have an ego when they accomplish something. You are able to be happy for them without having to fake it because they mean so much to you. That is a quality of friendship I value so much because being proud of one another and uplifting each other is essential when you genuinely care for somebody. Past Surface Level: A friendship that is not transactional or surface level. Sometimes, transactional friendship can be healthy, but it won’t be lifelong. A transactional is a friend you make at school or work that doesn’t exceed those walls. They usually make you feel less lonely in these environments. They are generally more surface-level. You can love those people and have amazing conversations, but only talk to them in those settings. This can also be a person you just go out with but don’t hang out with at any other time. You only really bond over one thing – work, school, going out, etc. You both want to be kept company in these settings. In a deep friendship, that element shouldn’t be present. Your deep friendships shouldn’t be for a benefit but because you both enjoy each other’s company in every setting. Push Over Friends: Neither of you is a push-over or enables bad behavior within the other. You aren’t afraid to stand up or call out your friend for acting out of character. Suppose you decide to stay silent when watching your friend do something terrible. In that case, there is an unequal power balance where you think they will be offended if you speak up or you don’t even care enough to be honest with them. Friendships where you can tell each other and be honest when you or they are wrong are needed. I have had friendships where I was doing something terrible, and my friend didn’t speak up, and vice versa. The ability for both of you to keep each other in check is critical and requires both parties to respect one another. Aligning Values: You share the same morals. In a friendship, both people must have a solid sense of what is right and wrong in their minds. This way, you aren’t being brought down by your friends if they have bad morals. When your friend doesn’t share your priorities, it can make you uncomfortable when they act against your standard morals. When you surround yourself with people who do things that don’t align with you, it is an imperfect reflection of yourself to the outside world. You are choosing to be friends with them, and they are choosing to behave badly. You stand there without saying anything and enable their behavior. This isn’t what you should look for or keep around within a friendship. Acceptance of Change: The determination to accept each other as you both grow and change. The only exception is if your friend is growing in the wrong direction, engaging with the wrong activities and people… Their moral compass can shift and become something you no longer align with. Of course, if they are open and you can bring them back on track, you can help them grow in the right direction. But, if the person going down the wrong path won’t accept help from YOU, their friend, it’s not a friendship that’ll last because you guys don’t align anymore. Generally, there should be a determination to keep each other on track and push each other to grow. Remember you are not alone. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who love you is where you want to be. If you are in need of immediate attention please seek help. For mental Health Resources and Support: 988lifeline.org (The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).