Anonymous: “There is a big dispute in my friend group and I don’t know what to do to fix it. Do you have any ideas? Any advice you could share would be so helpful.”
Yes! I definitely have some advice for this topic. I’ve dealt with many friendship disputes throughout my life, making me knowledgeable about how to solve them (like mature adults). I assume your friends are the best, and you all support each other through the ups and downs. These are the friends with whom you have a group chat constantly blowing up your phone, with TikToks, with a comment underneath that reads, “this is so us.” Suppose this is what your friend group is like. In that case, it is crucial to remember that just because you guys all have a great friendship does not mean it’s unusual to have disagreements or even full-blown fights. What complicates things is when some people need to learn how to handle and resolve conflict.
“When we turn toward avoidance, we turn away from healthier connections, the healthiest, closest friendships are ones where people will say, ‘Yeah, we have had disagreements, we’ve had arguments, and we’ve been able to work through those together.'” – Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, clinical psychologist and friendship expert.
It is essential to remind yourself that you guys are flawed. Instead of pointing out your flaws, you should find ways to push each other to grow into the best possible people, friends, and confidants. Friends you have deep connections with are worth fighting for, so I am happy to help you.
“I think for any relationship to be successful, there needs to be loving communication, appreciation, and understanding.” – Miranda Kerr
Communication and honesty are core values that should be prioritized in friendships or relationships. It would help to communicate with your friends about what is on your mind. In advance, text, call, or in person, tell your friends you want to meet (have a set time and place) to address the current issues within your circle. I ask you to do this in advance with a mature and respectful approach because no one likes to be put on the spot or hear the four most terrifying words “We need to talk.” Approaching conflict like this can make people overly worried or defensive, making resolving the issues much more difficult. I recommend this conversation be held in person. Over text, and even over the phone, can make it hard to understand another perspective, interpret tone, and empathize.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins, author and speaker
Now, let’s get into how this conversation should be. When expressing your feelings, don’t accuse someone. When I say this, try avoiding phrases like “you were being mean.” Instead, use “I feel…”. For example: “When you did… It made me feel…”. No one likes being accused of anything, primarily when they never intended to hurt your feelings. In reality, most of the time, no one intentionally tries to make you feel negative; the impact of their actions affects you. Emphasizing your feelings in response to their behavior can make them understand and be more open to your perspective.
“Find your true friends. They are the people that will want you to succeed, but also help you grow.”
– Esha Saleem, Episode 5
Remember, communication goes both ways. While your feelings have been affected, your friends feel a certain way too. Be considerate of where each person is coming from and make an effort to really try and understand. The end of the discussion should result in a middle ground where everyone will try to apply the constructive criticism they received and work on their actions to hopefully foster healthier relations and an end to your friend group’s dispute.
I hope my advice helps your friend group resolve the disputes. Let me know if you have any further questions.
Feel free to ask me anything by filling out a submission in the Contact section.
Remember you are not alone. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who love you is where you want to be. If you are in need of immediate attention please seek help.
For mental Health Resources and Support: 988lifeline.org (The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
https://www.wondermind.com/article/how-to-handle-conflict-in-friendships/ Contact us – kapsalos.
http://www.ogibiz.site/viewer/vbid-50b3aa12-eqgcq2im/vbid-7c06fb3d-rfol9gu0 – Miranda Kerr (2013). EMU Today, July 29, 2013.
https://core.ac.uk/download/268095618.pdf – Tony tobbins
https://medium.com/@thinkingoutloudtalks/7-steps-to-conflict-resolution-within-friend-groups-483ebabe02e2
