My Take:

My generation needs proper conflict resolution skills. I’ve witnessed people get into one fight with their friend, girlfriend, or boyfriend, and conclude that their friendship/relationship is over… after one disagreement! I can’t even call them disagreements because they are often heated arguments with fighting, yelling, name-calling, and complete and utter disrespect for the other person’s feelings. Or, they ignore each other and make zero effort to mend the issue.

This is the problem: From observation, I’ve noticed people have the mindset that when someone who is important in their life hurts them or crosses a boundary, they feel justified to have an aggressive reaction toward them. They believe it is okay to completely disrespect and disregard that while this person upsets you, their feelings should still be considered when speaking to them. No one deserves to be name-called, yelled at, or belittled.

Additionally, when someone’s feelings are hurt, it is difficult for them to not have tunnel vision. I mean that it takes work for the person upset to hear the other side’s perspective. It’s expected to be that way, especially with our natural egos. However, seeing things from other people’s views is essential for effectively communicating. There are always two sides to everything, so while you may feel like the victim, it is necessary to hear them out. If someone hurts you and you ignore them, you can’t expect them to read your mind and immediately know what they did wrong. If you want your relationship with this person to improve, ignoring them will solve nothing.

My Advice:

I have a friend who heard a rumor that her best friend was talking poorly about her behind her back. My friend was so hurt when she heard this because she felt betrayed. However, instead of asking her best friend if it was true and for her side of the story, she reached out to her, basically yelling at her and calling her a horrible friend. They never resolved the issue and went months without talking until they eventually spoke again. Her best friend explained that it was not true, and what she actually said was entirely blown out of proportion. My friend felt wrong for believing this rumor was true without clarifying with her best friend what the real story was. That’s why listening and respectfully approaching the problem is so important. Her best friend was probably so hurt and sad as my friend said all these horrible things out of pain and anger when the rumor turned out to be made up.

The next time a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family member does or says something that upsets you, maturely approach the situation instead of resulting in aggression or the cold shoulder. Reach out to that person (I recommend doing this in person so nothing is miscommunicated) and respectfully express your feelings and how their actions impacted you. Explain why it upset you and what you hope to see changed going forward. Be open to what they have to say because sometimes there can be an explanation, and be understanding if they try to apologize.

I hope this helps and opens your eyes if you have difficulty communicating your feelings!

Remember you are not alone. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who love you is where you want to be. If you are in need of immediate attention please seek help.

For mental Health Resources and Support: 988lifeline.org (The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).