PASADENA, California — Sleepovers. The bane of my existence. What is so enjoyable about lying on the floor of someone’s house all night (we all know you won’t be getting any sleep). Out of all my sixteen years on this wonderfully cruel and beautiful planet, I have gained wisdom beyond my years, and one secret I have learned is that sleepovers are truly the worst ways to spend time with anyone in your life. I could write a book filled with sleepover horror stories but I will spare you the gory details. Instead, I will provide you with Three survival tactics to take with you on your next after-COVID sleepover. 

1. Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the lice crawl into your hair in the middle of the night. 

I’ll just spit it out… I am a lice veteran. I have survived lice twice in my life. I have endured the horrors of the evil hair bugs that feast on blood so I am here to tell you, sleepovers are a hotspot for lice. A bunch of girls with luscious locks sleeping next each other? A louse’s dream. It is crucial that you prepare your head before heading over to your friend’s house for a night of no rest and no relaxation. I recommended dousing your head in peppermint and tea tree oil, after my battles with lice, I have learned that there is nothing those pesky little bugs hate more than the smell of tea tree oil and peppermint. It also helps to have nothing that the lice can crawl onto so I recommend just shaving all your hair off before you leave, this way, no lice can even think about making home in your beautiful hair, the perfect and only solution! 

2. Vanessa Carlton was wrong, being a thousand miles apart isn’t too bad. 

If you’re like me, you hate the idea of sharing a bed with your best friend, even if it’s just for one night. Well don’t fret because I have the perfect solution for this problem. All you have to do is simply bring your bed with you! When you’re packing the essentials for your sleepover like your pajamas, underwear, extra strength deodorant, super size tampons, and life size Harry Styles cardboard cutout, make sure you also force your parents to help you load your bed into the car. This way, you won’t ever have to worry about your friend’s cold feet touching you in the middle of the night, you can sleep soundly in your own bed. Now you may be thinking, Madison, this is outrageous, I can’t bring my bed with me on a sleepover! Well on the contrary my friend, you can. The idea that we either have to share a bed or sleep on the floor is just a social construct. Break down society’s norms! Bring your bed with you to your bestie’s house! 

3. No more creepy claymation!

The movie you watch on a sleepover is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. It is crucial that you choose a movie that is funny enough that you and your friend can turn it into an inside joke while straying away from horror movies because they will keep you up all night. Sleepovers and scary movies do not mix, trust me. One night, I stayed over at my friend’s house and we decided to watch the wonderfully delightful movie Coraline. Except this creepy claymation is not a delightful movie, it is a very unsettling and quite terrifying movie. You may be thinking, why is this 16-year-old girl afraid of a little fantasy animation? In my defense, the movie is very unnerving, especially if you watch it late at night. After finishing the movie, we could not fall asleep for the entire night and I went home that morning very unhappy. Instead of choosing a dark romp in an alternative world like Coraline, choose a movie that will make you laugh like Superbad, Booksmart, or Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa.

As the COVID-19 vaccine is distributed, we are starting to see a light at the end of this horrendous tunnel. Granted, the light is still miles and months away, but at least we can see a flicker. This light means that we will soon be able to see our friends, attend parties, and unfortunately, have sleepovers. I personally will be straying away from spending the night anywhere besides my house, but who knows, maybe I will find myself snuggling into my sleeping bag at a friend’s house once more. If you are planning on having an after-COVID slumber party I hope you keep in mind my tips to help you survive the night. So sleep tight in your own bed because before you know it, it will be sleepover season once more.